Raising Wise Children to the Glory of God

Transcript

Good morning, family. Well this morning I have the joy of introducing our guest preacher, Juan Sanchez. For those of you who might not be familiar with Juan, he serves as the senior pastor of High Point Baptist Church in Austin, Texas, where he has faithfully shepherded there this year will be 20 years, right? Amen. He’s also a gifted teacher, a trusted voice in biblical theology, and an author who has helped many people think deeply about the gospel and the church. In addition to pastoral ministry, he’s served in leadership with various different organizations. Just for example, the Gospel Coalition, in fact, he currently serves there as the chairman of the board. And he has been a mentor to many pastors and church leaders around the world. Juan and I are part of the same pastoral network, and so when he was invited to come and speak at the Nine Marks Conference, I asked him if he’d be willing to come and preach to us

this morning, and he graciously said yes. And one of the reasons why I wanted Juan to come and preach for us today is because by God’s grace, we are a congregation that is full of children and parents. And Juan and his wife Janine have written an excellent gospel-centered book on parenting entitled Reaching Your Child’s Heart. This is a book that I would highly recommend. And so I asked him if he would come this morning and preach to us on parenting to give us both some practical and biblical wisdom on faithful parenting. Pastor Juan is a man who loves Christ, deeply loves his church, loves children, loves parents, and a desire for the gospel to be proclaimed with clarity and conviction. And so I know for a fact that we’ll be encouraged this morning, we’ll be challenged, and we will be pointed to Jesus through the preaching this morning.

And so, family, would you help me welcome Pastor Juan Sanchez? Let me pray for you. Our Father and our God, we do thank you for your word, and we thank you for the wisdom that is contained in your word. We pray, O Lord and God, that even now you would give us the aid of the Holy Spirit who might open our eyes and our hearts to the truth contained in your word. And we pray most specifically, Lord, as we survey biblical principles on what it means to be godly parents and how we might raise our children in faithfulness and in godliness, that you would soften us, that you would empower your servant Juan to give us the help that we need. O Lord, please, through the preaching of your word today, conform us more into the image of Jesus. We pray these things in Christ’s name.

A Parent’s Journey

Amen. Amen. Amen. Thank you, brother. I’ll bring you greetings from the High Point Baptist Church in Austin, Texas. Their services are over now. So I was at coffee this morning with Trent, one of the elders from Hinson, and she was updating me during the service, like what was going on in the service. And so it’s always fun and exciting. I am humbled to be here with you all. It is a great privilege to be here. Thank you, Thomas, for the invitation. And I bring you greetings from my family. My wife and I, we have five daughters from age 33 to 21 now. We have eight grandchildren, four boys and four girls. And it is a fun season of life. But I’m here this morning as a follower of Jesus and a man who made a lot of mistakes as a parent. My wife was faithful and encouraging.

Just to tell you a little bit of a background and context, we felt like we parented alone for most of our lives. Our parents were not—they were wonderful parents, but they weren’t godly examples of what it was to raise children. I grew up Roman Catholic. I didn’t come to faith until I was 17 years of age. And no man came into my life and helped me. And so I was kind of winging it, and I was a faithful Christian, a faithful husband, but I had a misunderstanding, a distorted view of parenting. And so I thought my wife would read all the parenting books. I would read the theology books. And once the kids were out of diaper and could talk, then I would deal with them. And my wife patiently prayed for me. She didn’t nag. She didn’t criticize. She wrestled with God from my heart.

And six years into our marriage, the Lord got a hold of my heart, and I began to realize my responsibility. Again, I wasn’t a neglectful dad. We had a lot of fun in the house, but I didn’t realize my responsibility in the home. And so I just want you to know, my heart, I’m sharing with you from someone who wishes someone would have come into my life sooner. And in God’s grace, there were couples that the Lord put into our lives that we got to watch and observe and come along, and so we learned from them. And so Janine and I wrote this book kind of with that framework in mind. We want to be a couple that would come along other young families like those couples that were in our lives. And so if you have your Bibles, I invite you to open your copy of Scripture to Proverbs

chapter 3. Proverbs chapter 3, verses 1 through 12. And as you’ll see in just a moment, let me encourage you, maybe you’re thinking, OK, I’m not a parent. What am I doing here today? I want to encourage us to realize that it does take a church together, but I also want you to realize that there’s something different going on under the new covenant when it comes to what I’m going to call spiritual parenting, and that involves all of us. So this is God’s word for us, Proverbs chapter 3, verses 1 through 12. My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments. For length of days and years of life and peace they will add to you. Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you. Bind them around your neck. Write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor and good success in the sight of God and man.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes. Fear the Lord and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones. Honor the Lord with your wealth and with the firstfruits of all your produce. And your barns will be filled with plenty and your vats will be bursting with wine. My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline or be weary of his reproof. For the Lord reproves him whom he loves as a father, the son in whom he delights. Join me in praying once more, asking for the Spirit’s help. Our Father in heaven, in the name of your son, we come and ask for grace and mercy. Holy Spirit, strengthen me, be with my mouth as you were with Moses’ mouth.

God’s Design for Parenting

Speak to your people through your servant, by your word. Spirit, convict us of sin and righteousness and justice. Encourage us, in Jesus’ name we pray, amen. Well, parenting is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Pastoring is a very close second. But parenting is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. And one of the things I want us to do is to think about what parenting is. I want to take you back to the garden very quickly in Genesis chapter one and two. And there we see God bringing man and woman together into this covenant relationship of marriage. And in Genesis 128, God says, be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth. I want you to see God’s heart. God’s heart was to populate the earth with godly offspring. That was Adam and Eve’s mission. Adam and Eve’s mission was to have children, to reproduce children. And as the children filled the garden, the garden would keep getting expanded and expanded

until the whole earth was filled with the children of God who image God and glorify God. Now we know what happened in Genesis 3. Sin came into the created order. That introduced another line of children. Now we not only have the children of God, now we have the children of the devil. And both of these come from the same woman. We see this very quickly in Genesis chapter four with Cain and Abel. Both from the same woman, both in perpetual conflict. But in Genesis 3.15, there’s a promise of good news that the woman would have a child who would crush the serpent’s head and reverse the curse. And what’s interesting is that promise to be fruitful and multiply never vanishes. In fact, in Malachi, we’re told that the reason God brought Adam and Eve together was for godly offspring. And so Genesis is structured in 10 genealogies because it’s trying to identify that seed,

that offspring from the woman. And what’s interesting is our New Testament only has the genealogies of one person. Our friend Jonathan Lehman says the New Testament is where genealogies go to die. Because all those genealogies are fulfilled in one, and that is Jesus Christ. Jesus is the child born of the woman who would crush the serpent’s head at the cross by his life and death and resurrection. But you know what Jesus is doing? Jesus, with his bride, the church, is now reproducing godly offspring through the power of the gospel. And so what actually Adam and Eve were tasked to do, now the last Adam is doing through the preaching of the gospel, gathering into the family of his church. And this is what I call spiritual parenting. So in this sense, all of us are spiritual parents. All of us have opportunities to be spiritual parents.

Those of us who have biological children in God’s providence, we have the opportunity and responsibility to raise our children in a context of a gospel-loving home, but together as a church, and this is what I want us to understand, is there are spiritual fathers and mothers and grandfathers and grandmothers and brothers and sisters in the church. This is how God has set up the church, as family, which is why we call one another brothers and sisters in Christ. And so the things that I want to share, I want to share as a church and all of us as opportunities as spiritual parents, but I want to say a special word to those of you who have children in your home, whether they’re your biological children, whether they’re adopted children or foster children, you have a particular unique privilege and opportunity to raise your children in a gospel-saturated home.

And so we come here to our text, and what we learn is that if we’re to raise wise children who trust in God, we must prioritize biblical instruction and practice corrective discipline. Let me say that one more time. If we’re to raise wise children who trust in God, we must prioritize biblical instruction and practice corrective discipline. Let me just say a word about Proverbs. And this particular proverb, you see it, right? It begins with, my son. And then again, we hear in verse 11, my son. This is Solomon writing to his sons. He is preparing his sons to be kings. And so what we have in Proverbs is this wisdom. The king was supposed to be the model lawkeeper, the model Yahweh worshiper, the model faithful one. He was to write the law, he was to take in the law, he was to live out the law, and he

Prioritizing Positive Instruction

was to lead the people according to the law. So what we have in Proverbs is the wisdom of Solomon, the wisdom that God has given to Solomon as he’s preparing his sons to lead as kings. And so we have some very helpful parental instruction for us as we kind of eavesdrop on Solomon teaching his sons. Look here in verses one through four. The first thing that I would encourage us to do is to prioritize positive instruction. I use that language carefully, prioritize positive instruction. Notice how Solomon teaches his son. My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments. Now what is Solomon talking about? I take Solomon’s teaching and commandments to imply the Lord’s commandments, because the king was the keeper of the law. The law was given to him, and he was to lead in that way. So when Solomon is saying, keep my teaching, keep my commandments, really what he’s saying

is keep the Lord’s teaching and the Lord’s commandments. That’s what he is talking about. The point is that the Bible is a foundation for positive instruction. To use God’s word, to instruct our children about God, who he is, his character, his nature, what he is like. Our homes should be filled with scripture. Our homes should be filled with positive instruction. And the reason that I use the word positive instruction, I could have said prioritize biblical instruction. Yes, that is true. But I didn’t grow up in a home where there was a lot of positive instruction. I grew up in a home where there’s a lot of negative correction. It was almost like I was left to divine what I was supposed to do. I just knew if I went in a direction and then all of a sudden I was corrected, I was not supposed to go in that direction anymore.

One time, we, growing up in Puerto Rico, we didn’t celebrate Christmas. We celebrated what we called the day of the three wise men, Epiphany. And so we would exchange gifts on January 6th, the day of Epiphany. And one day, I must have been, I don’t know, four years old. I walked into a room and there were all the presents. And I began playing with this motorized car. And all of a sudden it was like this hand came from heaven and pulled me out of that room and all of a sudden I was in trouble. I didn’t know what for. And so what I’m appealing to us is to listen to Solomon and notice how he is instructing positively from God’s word. I love the fact that you did a catechism this morning. Catechisms are just question and answer ways of teaching children. Our little children can memorize amazing things.

We used to do a catechism for boys and girls when our children were small. We lived in Louisville, Kentucky. I was in seminary and I had our youngest at the time. She may have been two years old. My wife took the other girls to get them ready for bed. And we were about to do the catechism and I’m sitting here alone with this two-year-old child and I’m thinking, what do I do with this child right now? And so I thought, well, let’s try the catechism that we’ve been doing, not having faith that she would actually remember anything. And so I asked the first question, who made you? She said, God made me. And I’m like, okay, lucky guess. What else did God make? God made all things. I’m like, wait a minute, this is a little creepy. So I asked the third question, why did God make you in all things?

Pour his own glory. And that’s when the penny dropped for me. Our children are like sponges. And what we’re doing with our children, our young children, their minds are like a warehouse. So picture their minds like a warehouse. And what we’re doing with positive instruction, with biblical instruction, we’re putting these boxes of doctrine and truth in their places, in their little minds that the spirit might have something to work with, some truth to work with when the spirit comes to convict of righteousness and truth. So let me encourage you to keep doing that catechism. Keep teaching your children, not just at home, but in the church and the children’s ministry in the church should undergird what is happening in the home. So that we’re working together, all of us raising our children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord, because this is what we see what’s happening here.

My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments. Notice how Solomon appeals for obedience to God’s word by pointing out the blessings. For length of days and years of life and peace, they will add to you. My children, listen to God’s word. There’s great blessing in God’s word. You point out the beauty and the glory and the benefits of obeying the Lord. Long life and peace, length of days. Look at verses three and four, favor and success in the sight of man. Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you, bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your hearts. So you will find favor and good success in the sight of God and man. This is what I mean by positive instruction, instructing God’s truth and pointing out the positive benefits and blessings of obedience. The joy of obedience, there’s great blessing in obedience.

In verses 21 through 24 of this proverb, we see life, security, and lack of fear. What might this look like? It’s equipping our children before a situation happens. Maybe you’re going over to someone’s house and you prepare your child, okay, this is what we’re gonna do and we’re gonna enjoy playing with your cousins and we’re gonna spend some time playing together, but I want you to know I’m gonna come and I’m gonna give you a warning before we go and then we’re gonna clean everything up and you’re always preparing or we’re gonna go to the grocery store and this is what it’s gonna look like. And you help them and you prepare them, you give them positive instruction, you give them scripture to memorize and you teach them positively according to scripture and you tell them and explain to them the blessings of obedience. But notice how Solomon also appeals for obedience to God’s word by pointing out the consequences

of sin. In verses 29 through 35 of this same proverb, it says, do not plan evil against your neighbor who dwells trustingly beside you. Do not contend with a man for no reason when he has done you no harm. Do not envy a man of violence and do not choose any of his ways. For the devious person is an abomination to the Lord, but the upright are in his confidence. The Lord’s curse is on the house of the wicked, but he blesses the dwelling of the righteous. Notice how Solomon appeals to the blessings of obedience and then the curses of disobedience and we help our children understand what happens when they disobey. The bulk of our parenting should be positive instruction. The bulk of our parenting should be positive instruction. This is how my wife Janine says it. Our homes should be a garden of yes.

Remember the garden of Eden? It was all yes. There was only one no. There was only one no. It’s like, yes, yes, yes. I would tell my girls, I said, you know, when you come to me, I want you to know that my heart for you is already yes. So that when I say no, you understand where it’s coming from. Our homes should be places of encouragement and affirmation. There’s a book called Practicing Affirmation that I highly recommend, especially if encouragement comes hard for you. We need to practice affirmation. I don’t mean flattery of our children. I don’t mean like, my child is a genius. I’m sorry for your children. I’m not talking about that. I’m just talking about the thing that we should encourage the good. There should be a safe environment in our homes where our children can fail. Yes, we’re going to deal with sin and talk about that in just a moment, but our children

should be free to run and to roam and free to fail and feel safe. There should be a context from which discipline is practiced that is positive, that it is affirming. It takes intentionality, patience, and hard work, which is why we tend not to do it. So mom and dad, can I encourage you in this way? I know life is hard. I know we get busy, and I know sometimes our children frustrate us, but if their only time or the majority of the time they’re hearing interaction from us is just negative and correction out of frustration, that’s going to crush them. That’s not going to build them up. And so we want them to grow up in that environment so that when they hear the no and when they hear the correction, they understand that. But the paradox of spiritual parenting is that our children cannot obey.

Did you understand that? When we have a daughter, her name is Zoe, and Zoe means life in Greek. And I have told her numerous times, if I knew you would live up to your name, I would have called you Irene, because Irene is Greek for peace. And this girl rocked our world. I mean, we thought we were really good parents until she came along, and she broke all the rules. In fact, while Janine was carrying her, she was convinced she was carrying a boy. Zoe is the one that is most like her father. And so we have a special bond and a special butting of heads together. But one time she was in trouble, and I was trying to talk to her, and then she said these words, but Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, I can’t obey. And I thought, wow, in that moment, she was a better theologian than I was.

Understanding Inherited Sin

She was exactly right. I mean, we talked about this even in the catechism. We are born with hard hearts. And so the second thing that I would say to us is understand inherited sin. Understand inherited sin. We are born in Adam, and so we’re born with a hard heart. We have inherited Adam’s sin, Adam’s guilt, Adam’s corruption, and Adam’s condemnation. Look at verse three here. It says, let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you. This is covenant language. This is the language that God has made a covenant with Israel, and Solomon is appealing to his sons to keep the covenant. That’s exactly what he’s saying. Keep the covenant. Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you. Hang them around your neck. Keep them close. Write them on the tablet of your heart. This is exactly what Moses appealed to Israel to do. But Moses understood they couldn’t do that because we’re born with hard hearts.

This was Israel’s problem. A hard heart led them to breaking the covenant over and over and over again. But the good news is that God promised a new covenant. God promised a new covenant in which he would send his son to be king, and he would anoint him with the spirit, and this son who would be king would inaugurate this new covenant. And this new covenant, he promised everyone who is a part of this covenant family would have a new heart. So in this new covenant, the law would be written on the heart. In this new covenant, the spirit of God would indwell in every member of this covenant community to empower obedience. This morning in our prayer time, Josh read from Ezekiel 36, and this is the point of Ezekiel 36. God is gonna give new hearts, he’s gonna give his spirit, and he’s gonna forgive sin.

And there’s gonna be a special relationship between God and his people. Jesus is the beloved son who obeyed the father perfectly. He is the only one who has obeyed perfectly. And I want you to take a step back and understand what’s actually happening here. Proverbs is a covenant document. It promises that if you walk this way and you live this way, you will receive these blessings. But if you walk the other way, you will walk down a path of unrighteousness toward a path that leads to death. And what we need to understand is that apart from Christ, we can’t obey. But what God did is knowing his people could not obey, God the son himself came and he kept steadfast love and faithfulness. God himself sent his beloved son who took on our humanity, and he obeyed this law perfectly fulfilling all righteousness. And then he went to the cross and received all the curses of disobedience upon himself.

And God raised him from the dead on the third day, and he accepted Jesus substitute life and obedience, and his substitute sacrifice for sin on behalf of us, so that all who believe in Jesus Christ would be forgiven of their sins. All who walk in Christ by faith, we have a new heart. We have the spirit of God indwelling in us, empowering us to obey. And moms and dads, that is our aim in spiritual parenting, is to provide the instruction of God’s word, to provide the good news of the gospel, so that the spirit would have something to convict of sin. This is something that’s really helped me understand, because sometimes parents struggle, if my child can’t obey, why do I expect obedience? And what I realize is, God has placed us in our children’s life in the same way that he placed prophets, priests, and kings in Israel’s life.

We function in similar ways as the law and the prophets, priests, and kings. The kings were to live out a model law-keeping. The priests were to teach God’s law. The prophets were to call God’s people back to God and to repent. And that’s what we do. We are to keep the law of God’s word, the commands of God, before our children. Not so that they would be moral children, but so that just like we confess in the catechism, they would realize they cannot obey, and they need someone to obey for them. And when they recognize their sin and turn to Christ, they receive his obedience, and they receive forgiveness for disobedience, and they’re empowered to walk in his ways. Moms and dads, that’s what we’re after for our children, and so we continue prioritizing positive instruction, but we have to understand inherited sin, because otherwise a temptation

is just to be satisfied with children who behave, but who will go to hell. We must understand. Parenting is hard. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but let me see if I can put this in your mind to keep. We’re parenting for the long haul, and most of it gets frustrated. We get frustrated because we’re parenting for the moment, and in that moment, we think to ourselves, this is the worst day of my life. I don’t know if I can keep going. Listen, there was one time my wife left me with my child that is most like me at my parent’s home, and when she came back, I said, I think she’s possessed. I was serious. We’re parenting for the long haul, and sometimes we get consumed by the moment, and we get frustrated by the moment, but when we have the long-term in view, that we’re just, the

way that Ginny likes to put it, we’re just putting drops in a bucket, and over time, that bucket fills, and over time, we’re just going to trust in the Lord, because our children cannot obey. We’re pointing them the law. We’re like the law that keeps Jesus before them. Yes, this is the standard. This is God’s word. I know you can’t keep it, but I love you, and you need Jesus. He obeyed. He obeyed perfectly. He took the punishment for your sin, so we have to understand inherited sin, and so what do we do as parents, as spiritual grandparents, as spiritual parents? Godly example, biblical instruction, and corrective discipline. Those are the pillars that we have learned in our life, but let me just say, thirdly, seek heart obedience. Seek heart obedience. This is what we’re after, verses 5 through 10. Trust in the Lord with all your heart.

Seeking Heart Obedience

God is after the heart. Man looks at the outward appearance. God looks at the heart. Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Do not lean on your own understanding. This is one of the greatest dangers in our culture today. Follow your heart. That’s the message of the world. Follow your heart. The message of the Bible is don’t trust your heart. Don’t follow your heart. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and in all your ways, acknowledge Him. We’re to pursue Christ. We want our children to trust in God wholeheartedly, and the ongoing human battle is a heart war whether we’re going to follow our heart or whether we’re going to follow God wholeheartedly. This is what Solomon says, verse 6, in all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes. Fear the Lord and turn away from evil.

It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones. Honor the Lord with your wealth, so on and so forth. This is what we’re after, heart obedience. Here’s what I would ask us. As we live godly examples before our children, what are they observing in our lives? What are we trusting in? What are we showing them that they should trust in? We need to trust in the Lord. We need to teach them to trust in the Lord. We need to teach them to trust in God and to lean on God’s word as you pray together, as you confess sin. I mean, think about that. We should involve our children in what’s going on in our lives. You know, Daddy was laid off from work today. I know that’s bad. I know you might be afraid, but we want you to know we are trusting in the Lord.

And so we’re going to pray as a family that God would provide Daddy a job. You know what? We went to the doctor today, and we didn’t get a good report. We’re going to pray together as a family, and we’re going to lean on the Lord. We’re going to trust the Lord. We don’t know what the outcome would be. And as we teach our children that we’re trusting in the Lord, that we’re not following our heart, but we’re following God wholeheartedly, we’re teaching our children. And as the Lord answers prayers, however he chooses to answer those prayers, we’re giving God the credit. We’re acknowledging God in our life, in his ways. As our children see us, that we’re trusting God, we’re leaning on God for whatever is happening in our lives, they will see this God who is trustworthy. They will see this God who is lovely.

They will see that life challenges us, and that life is hard, but God is good, and we are steady in trusting and leaning on God. And when we trust in God, we will honor the Lord with everything that we are and everything that we have. It is interesting that he talks about trusting in God, and then he comes back and talks about generosity. Verse 9, honor the Lord with your wealth and with the first fruits of your produce, then your barns will be filled with plenty, and your vats will be bursting with wine. My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline, we’ll get to that in just a moment. But one of the ways that we know we trust in God is when we hold things of this world loosely. Isn’t that true? Jesus made this connection between our spiritual heart condition and money. What we do with our money and possessions really says where our gods are, and so this

is what’s happening here. Generosity is evidence of trust in God, and what a wonderful way to teach our children generosity and hospitality and living together as a church. And when people are in need, that we give of what we have extra so that people can also be cared for. So our children need a new heart, we’re seeking heart obedience, and only God can grant a new heart. So what we’re doing is we’re functioning like the law in the lives of our children, pointing positively to God’s word, but then fourthly and finally we’re practicing corrective discipline, just like in the old covenant. Proverbs 3 verses 11 and 12, my son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the Lord reproves him whom he loves as a father of the son in whom he delights. I didn’t grow up in a positive environment, I grew in an environment that was always pretty

Practicing Corrective Discipline

much corrective, and we knew that we didn’t cross my dad. It was not abusive, my dad was a loving father, but I didn’t understand God’s word, I didn’t understand corrective discipline in a biblical form or fashion. And so what I would appeal to us is to understand that what we’re doing when we’re correcting our children is we’re actually pointing them away from sin and toward God. What we’re actually doing is we’re helping them avoid the final day of judgment when Jesus returns. This is the purpose of corrective discipline, whether it was in the garden when God disciplined Adam and Eve, whether it was the exile when God disciplined Israel, or whether it’s in the church when the church disciplines someone. The point, the hope, is always restoration. The aim is always repentance and pointing them back to God himself. Biblical corrective discipline is loving, and it is done in the context of love.

Verse 11, my son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the Lord reproves him whom he loves. If we love our children, we will correct our children. Not in anger, anger leads to abuse. Not as a last resort when we’re frustrated, this is what I experience. Not abuse, but I experience, I’m a frustration to my parents. So we don’t do it out of frustration. The wise application of biblical corrective discipline proverbs is multifaceted. So the options are not to spank or not to spank. There’s a vast variety of ways that we deal with our children. So I’ll just share some of these from different aspects of scripture. There’s age-appropriate appeal to reason, pointing out consequences, like in verse 11. Before disobedience, you’re about to, you know what will happen when you do this. And then after disobedience, isn’t this what mommy and daddy warned you about?

Again, we teach the biblical standard, positive instruction, so that they know when they’ve transgressed. They have a context for understanding when they’ve crossed the line. And we help them, pointing out consequences of sin, both before and after, trying to help them along. But there’s also age-appropriate rebuke or reproof, lovingly reprove your children. For example, in Proverbs 28, verse 11, a rich man is wise in his own eyes, but a poor man who has understanding will find him out. It’s, yeah, 28, 11, 12. When the righteous triumph, there’s great glory, but when the wicked rise, people hide themselves. We want to help them understand and reprove our children. I think that may be the wrong reference, so I apologize for that. What might this look like? After disobedience, you point out the wrong, you explain, you exhort, you warn your children, you help them understand, and you call them to obedience.

But also, sometimes the Bible calls for age-appropriate physical discipline. And I know that can be controversial, but the Bible says, Proverbs says it gives wisdom. It actually gives wisdom to children. When do you use physical discipline? Proverbs helps us to understand for clear defiance and rebellion. Proverbs helps us to understand the difference between foolishness and childishness. And we need to learn to distinguish the difference between foolishness and childishness. So for example, you’re having breakfast, and your child spills the milk. That’s childishness, that’s not foolishness, right? That’s just, okay, let’s clean up the spilled milk. But when there’s direct defiance and rebellion, we need to help our children understand the danger of that pattern of life if they continue walking down that way. I remember having five children, they’re all different, uniquely and wonderfully made. And we had some children that, you know, when you draw the line in the sand and you

say don’t cross that line, they would come right up to that line and put their tiptoe on that line. Maybe you have children like that. And then when you’re not looking, they put their toe on the other side of the line. And then when you look, they bring it back. But then we had others. You draw the line, and right in your face, they go, Mom, Dad, look. They jump over the line. I actually love those children because I know how to deal with them and deal with their rebellion. And what we’re trying to do is help them understand that there’s real blessing in obedience and that there is not blessing in disobedience. And as we’re correcting our children, we’re doing it in a variety of ways, lovingly, gently reminding them, lovingly, gently rebuking them, sometimes warning them in very immediate and emergency-type situations. And there’s a number of ways that we can do this.

I remember one time one of our girls was running in a parking lot, and we saw a car coming toward her. And we just yelled out, stop! And she stopped. And we were able to get her and come back. And one of the things that we had been doing is we had been training her and teaching her playing a stop-and-go game to listen to our voice. So we are trying to faithfully, positively instruct in God’s Word. We’re trying to help the child understand in age-appropriate ways what obedience is and what disobedience is. And when we come to our children and it comes to a point of rebellion and foolishness, it might be appropriate to apply some corporal punishment. Age-appropriate, non-harmful, maintaining the dignity of the child in privacy and modesty, making sure the child understands why they’re being chastised, and explaining discipline is a mercy of the Lord, saving from final judgment.

And we picture the gospel through reconciliation. And moms and dads, this should happen all the time. Our homes should be regular places of confession of sin when we’ve sinned against our children. And when we discipline our children, we should take the time to explain what they’ve done wrong, to call them to obedience, and when all is said and done, understand what reconciliation looks like. When they confess their sin, ask for forgiveness, we grant forgiveness, and then we embrace the child as a picture of the gospel of Jesus Christ and reconciliation. And so as we live together as families, as we live together as a church, we are constantly picturing the gospel before one another. Parenting is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But it is the most worthwhile thing I’ve ever done. By God’s grace, we have great relationship with our girls. Not because of anything that we’ve done, only because of the grace of God.

And I know believing parents who have good relationship with their children to this day, even though some of them are not believers, and even though some of them are walking in sin, but because of the investment in their lives, they maintain good relationship and are able to maintain influence. So where do we go from here? Let me encourage you in this way. Our God is a God of grace and mercy and forgiveness. And maybe you were like I was. Maybe you’re faithful, you love your wife, you love your children, but you haven’t been leading as you should have. You haven’t been encouraging as you should have. And maybe what you need to do is just admit and ask for help. Maybe what you need is other parents to come along, ask other families to come along with you and ask them questions. This is what we did.

We would invite other families and we would just ask them questions. What are you guys doing here? What do you do there? And live together as a church and encourage one another in these ways. Because God is not just asking us to parent our children. The aim is not just well-behaved children. The aim is that our children might trust in God with their whole heart. We are parenting spiritually, prioritizing positive instruction. We are understanding inherited sin, we’re seeking heart obedience, and we’re practicing corrective discipline that our children may come back to the ways of the Lord. We’re parenting for the long haul, not the moment. And just one final reminder, we’re justified by grace alone, through faith alone, in Christ alone, not by parenting. We’re not justified by our parenting, we’re not justified by how our children respond to the Lord. We’re justified by grace alone, through faith alone, in Christ alone.

And what the Lord asks of us is that we would simply be faithful. And that’s my prayer for us. Let’s pray. Our Father in heaven, thank you for your faithfulness. Thank you for your love for us in Christ. And Father, we confess our weakness, we confess our mistakes, and we thank you that we’re not defined by them, and neither are our children. And so Father, would you bless Trinity Church? Father, would you allow them to raise their children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord? Would you allow them to see the fruit of faithful spiritual parenting? In Jesus’ name we pray, amen.