Single-Minded Devotion

Transcript

If we’ve not had the chance to meet, my name is Thomas, and I’m one of the pastors here at Trinity. I’d love to get to know you. Yeah, just to say hello. Happy Father’s Day. We normally have you stand for the reading of scripture, but this morning I’m gonna give you a break.

It’s a pretty long passage, so if you please turn with me and your Bibles to 1 Corinthians chapter 7. We’ll begin at verse 25. We’ll make our way to verse 40. 1 Corinthians chapter 7, verse 25 through 40. Now concerning the betrothed, I have no command from the Lord. Due to the present distress, it is good for a person to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned. And if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that. This is what I mean, brothers and sisters. The appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who

rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods, and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away. I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife. And his interests are divided. The unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord. If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his

passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes. Let them marry. It is no sin. But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined in his heart to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well. So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better. A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives, but if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. Yet in my judgment, she is happier if she remains as she is. And I think that I too have the Spirit of God. Brothers and sisters, this is the Word of the Lord. Thanks be to God. Let’s pray. Our Father and our God, we pray that you would give us the

help of the Holy Spirit. We recognize, Lord, that in order for us to take in the truths contained in your Word, we must be helped. And so we pray now. Come and be our eyes. Come and be our wisdom. Come and illuminate the text so that we might see the beauty that is contained in it, and that we might be conformed into the image of Jesus, the beautiful one. We pray these things in Christ’s name. Amen.

Cultural Confusion

A few weeks ago in our sermon series introduction on the beauty of the body, I mentioned two defining features in the city of Corinth in the first century that shaped their world. Those two features were sex and paganism. These aspects were so pervasive in Corinthian culture that it created all kinds of confusion, and they were significantly influencing how Christians thought and behaved. Well, this morning I want to examine two features in our culture that I believe are creating all kinds of confusion and are radically shaping the way that Christians today think and behave, and those would be marriage and singleness. In our hyper-individualistic society, two dominant perspectives concerning marriage and singleness have emerged. These can be seen primarily in what’s called the modern entrepreneurial movement and the traditionalist movement. Now, many of you have probably never heard of those things. You’re unfamiliar with those movements, and so what I want to do is just briefly break them down for you.

The first is the modern entrepreneurial movement. This is a massive movement that seeks to emphasize personal ambition, career success, and independence. This movement tends to celebrate singleness because you can focus on self-improvement, achieving personal goals without distractions, without negative commitments, and without the constraints of marriage. And so it promotes the idea that individual fulfillment and self-empowerment are the keys to human flourishing. So it encourages individuals in their singleness to pursue their dreams, to focus on being the best possible you can be, and to establish their identities before considering marriage. Men and women in this movement are sometimes referred to as boss babes or boss bros. Their message is clear. Singleness is superior to marriage because it allows you to prioritize your personal success. And relationships, well, those can always come later, if at all. Tim Keller, along with his wife, in their book on marriage, I think captured the

essence of this movement when they said, adults in Western society are deeply shaped by individualism, fear, and even hatred of limiting options for the sake of others. Many people are living single lives today, not in a conscious, lonely misery of wanting marriage too much, but rather in the largely unconscious, lonely misery of wanting marriage too little, out of fear of it. While traditional societies tend to make an idol out of marriage because they make an idol out of family and tribe, contemporary societies tend to make an idol out of independence because they make an idol out of individual choice and happiness. This is exactly what we see in the modern entrepreneurial movement. But then on the flip side, you have the traditionalist movement, which emphasizes strategic social and financial benefits of marriage. They see traditional marriage as the primary key to success and human flourishing. They view happiness, prosperity, and financial freedom

as stemming from conservative values, which at the top of that conservative pyramid would be marriage. These people often see singleness as politically liberal and detrimental to personal and social flourishing. The men and women in this movement are sometimes referred to as trad wives and trad husbands. Their message is clear. Marriage is more meaningful than singleness and is the impetus for all the great things that life has to offer. So that’s the traditionalist movement. Now to be clear, these two movements, not in every way but in most ways, tend to pit marriage and singleness against each other because they each see the other as an impediment to their desired goals. What’s interesting is that despite their differing views and their disdain towards the other movement, both movements seem to seek the same goal, self-fulfillment through personal happiness. It’s the same thing. One seeks it through independence, which is singleness. The

other through interdependence, which is marriage. These two movements and everything in between, I believe, are shaping our culture, creating a lot of confusion concerning which is better, to be single or to be married. Now what’s crazy is that even Christians in our world are confused about this question. And what’s fascinating is that once again, God’s Word through the Apostle Paul in the first century speaks directly to the heart of our cultural movement by specifically addressing the questions concerning which one is actually better. Paul, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, offers us perspective that doesn’t seek to pit one against the other or see one as more superior than the other but instead emphasizes the value both singleness and marriage can provide for Christians. And so this is what we’re going to be looking at in our text this morning. And to help us along, I’ve broken up

Single-Minded Wisdom

our text into three sections. Single-minded wisdom, single-minded perspective, and single-minded devotion. So let’s begin in verse 25 with single-minded wisdom. Paul writes, Now concerning the betrothed. Now just stop there for a second. Paul begins first by turning our attention to the subject of singleness, the betrothed. Remember, he just spent a whole chapter dealing with marriage almost exclusively and now he begins with singleness to answer the question that the Corinthian Christians were likely asking him. Is it better or more spiritual to be married or single? But before we get to Paul’s answer, I want you to first notice the word betrothed. This word betrothed can better be translated virgins, which Paul uses to mean single. Now I actually think the word virgin is actually quite helpful in our cultural context because in our world, being single doesn’t necessarily equate to being a virgin. In fact, more people in our hookup culture prefer to be single because they

like the idea of non-committed physical intimacy with as many different people as possible. But when Paul speaks concerning virgins, he means single people who in every way are aiming for holiness through abstaining from physical intimacy. So Paul uses virgins because he wants to know, he wants us to know that he’s speaking directly to the issue of sacred singleness. Well then Paul qualifies his answer to the question, which is better, by stating that his answer is more in the realm of practical wisdom or pastoral advice. So he says in the second half of verse 25, I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. In other words, Paul is telling them there isn’t a hard and fast rule as to which one is better or more spiritual. So no matter what people say or how they parade one over the other,

the Bible gives us freedom to decide for ourselves, given our desires, our particular season of life, and of course God’s providence. So either one is fine. Now, just a side note, for Paul to say this in the first century culture would be radically extreme, counter-cultural. Because in the ancient world, singleness, especially for women, was viewed as a kind of social stigma because marriage and family were the means of survival, posterity, and identity. But here, Paul breathes dignity and beauty into the idea of singleness by simply saying, you’re free. You’re free to choose. But Paul qualifies the freedom with this kind of personal caveat. He says in verse 26, I think that in view of the present distress, it is good for a person to remain as he is. So Paul is offering some pastoral advice here. He’s saying because of the current circumstances, you might want to just stay in

whatever situation you’re in. And what Paul means here is that if you’re single, it might be good for you to stay single. Now, what is the current distress Paul is talking about here? Well, we don’t know for sure. Some commentaries and some historians think that Paul is referring to like a famine that was going on in the land. Some say he’s referring to the end of the age, meaning Christ’s return, which that seems kind of strange to me given Paul’s glorious vision for Christ’s return. He wouldn’t call Christ’s return a distress. But it’s my opinion, and it’s only that, that Paul is likely referring to persecution. In fact, just a few years after Paul wrote this letter to the Corinthian church, the Roman emperor Nero began this massive persecution of Christians. So you can only imagine how difficult it would have been for a husband or a wife in that culture to see

their spouse being executed for their faith, literally set on fire. That would be a very, very distressful situation. So I think Paul, aware of the upcoming persecution as it was bubbling up, was telling them you might just want to chill and remain single because it would be less traumatic for you. But notice Paul doesn’t say if the situation gets too hard or distressful, get divorced and become single. He doesn’t say that. He says, no, stay as you are. This is why he says in verse 27, are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. Now, we can’t know for certain what kind of distress Paul was referring to, but one thing we can know for sure is, number one, if you’re married and difficult situations come, you don’t get to leave your marriage. You don’t get to do that. It’s not an option. And secondly,

there are certain circumstances or situations in life, certain distresses that might require wisdom to discern, is now the right time to get married or should I just stay single? So in a very practical way, men, if you don’t have a job to provide for your spouse, if you’re deeply entangled in debt or in sexual sin, like pornography or hookup culture, if you have no spiritual disciplines or accountability, or you just don’t have the maturity to lovingly lead a wife in godliness, you should probably just chill and start to figure out what areas in your life need to be adjusted before diving into marriage. Maybe seek out older married men in the church and ask them, what are some practical things you can begin doing now to better prepare for marriage? And ladies, the same goes for you. If you’re in a season where you can’t come alongside a husband in selfless partnership

and be an encouragement and submit to his leadership, if you’re deeply entangled in sexual sin, you don’t have the desire to be radically devoted to your husband, you should probably chill and start asking older married women in the church, what are some ways that I can begin to prepare myself for marriage?

Because listen, and hear me, this is super important. Marriage won’t fix your problems. It won’t fix your problems. And to be clear, marriage won’t be the solution to your sexual sin problems. Okay, like I know Paul says it’s better to be married than to burn with passion. But what he doesn’t mean is to bring that sexual sin, a person so strung out on that kind of sin into your marriage, because those will bring all kinds of devastating harm to your spouse. You see, your problems, including your sexual ones, don’t just go away when you tie the knot. In fact, marriage only exacerbates those problems. Now, those are the cases where it seems quite clear that an individual is not ready for marriage. But let’s assume it’s not as clear. Say you’re in college, and you’re focusing really hard on an intense internship. It’s taking up all

of your time and energy. Maybe you’re in a season where your job has you traveling all over the place. You’re never really at home. Paul is saying, you’re free to decide. Just use wisdom. Sometimes wisdom says, wait. Sometimes wisdom says, go ahead. Get that wife, get that husband. The point is this, it’s not sin to defer marriage. It’s not sin to pursue marriage. And it’s not sin to never pursue marriage. This is why Paul says in verse 28, but if you do marry, you have not sinned. And if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. No matter the situation, brothers and sisters, you’re free. And neither one is more holy than the other. And we got to remember that. Oftentimes, married couples can parade themselves as if they’re more holy than single people. That’s just not the case. What Paul does say emphatically, emphatically, is that if you do choose to get married, it’s going to be difficult.

It’s going to be difficult. Paul says, yet those who marry will have worldly troubles. And look at what he says. And I would spare you that. Okay. I’m so thankful this verse is here because this verse shatters all of our presuppositions about what marriage is actually like and what marriage can actually provide. This verse gives us some cabin pressure for people who realize that marriage is hard. Okay. A lot of people, especially Christians, think that marriage is the penultimate experience of life or that marriage will somehow magically make every aspect of your life easier or that you’re not really living until you find that one perfect soulmate to complete you. Family, that’s just not the case at all. And I want to be clear. If you are looking for marriage as the primary means of making you happy, you will never truly be happy in your marriage because that’s not what marriage does for you.

It’s not what marriage was made for. Marriage is great, but marriage is not God, meaning it’s not ultimate. Marriage is meant to point you to God. And so Paul shatters our idealized framework for marriage and tells us like it is. It’s going to be hard. It is hard. Essentially, what Paul is driving at here is that both marriage and singleness are viable options. But from Paul’s perspective, who was single, he says singleness might be a better option for some of you. It’s a personal choice and it’s an issue of wisdom. And to be clear, Paul is not suggesting that singleness is not hard at all. Okay. Singleness is also hard. Ask any single person in our church, is it hard? Amen. They’re being quiet, but I know it’s hard.

It’s not that singleness is easier. It’s that singleness is less complicated because there’s only one person and one opinion in that equation to worry about. Marriage brings certain worldly troubles, namely two people’s opinions about the world. Okay. I mean every single situation has to be negotiated to some degree. What are you going to eat? That’s crazy.

That’s something single people don’t ever have to worry about. Sam Albury, author and pastor, who is also single, in his book, Seven Myths About Singleness, which I highly recommend to everyone in the church. Okay. This book will blow married people’s minds and it’ll be good for you. And single people, this will be a great encouragement for you. But listen to what he says. He says, the fact is both singleness and marriage have their own particular ups and downs. The temptation for many who are single is to compare themselves to other people. The temptation for a single is to compare the downs of singleness with the ups of marriage. And the temptation for some married people is to compare the downs of marriage with the ups of singleness, which is equally dangerous. The grass will often seem greener on the other side. Whichever gift we have, I love that he calls it a gift. Whichever gift we have, marriage or

singleness, the other can easily seem far more attractive. Paul’s point is to show singles that there are some downs unique to marriage, some worldly troubles, that we are spared by virtue of our singleness. Our common assumption marriage is better or easier is simply not true. Seeing what I have seen in the last decade or so, I would say I would choose the lows of singleness over the lows of marriage any day of the week. And listen, I can tell you as a pastor who meets with people regularly, he is absolutely right. I see far more hardships in marriages than I do with single people. It is what it is. That’s just the case. But Paul’s answer to the question of what’s better, marriage or single, is neither. Both are viable options. There just might be certain realities according to a person’s particular season or desire that makes singleness less

Single-Minded Perspective

complicated. Okay? Then Paul, in a brilliant move, he continues to address this question by framing the question with perspective. We see that in verses 29 through 31 with single-minded perspective. Paul writes, this is what I mean brothers and sisters. The appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none. And those who mourn as though they were not mourning. And those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing. As those who buy as though they had no goods. And those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away. That’s, what is he talking about here? Okay? Essentially, Paul is saying, no matter the situation we find ourselves in, married or single, we should all have a single-minded perspective. And the main thrust

of his argument here is that time, as we know it from our human perspective, is coming to an end. The word short can also be translated critical. So it could mean that because life is short and time is critical, because it’s passing away, we’ve got to have the right perspective. So if life is passing away and so are we with it, then none of the things we have, none of the things that we invest in this life, will last. So then why are we living for the things of this world? Paul here is moving us from an earthly perspective to an eternal perspective. And he gives five examples of earthly or temporal things that we as humans tend to place our ultimate identity and value in, as if those things had eternal value. And the first of these temporal and transient things is actually marriage. This is a game changer.

Family, when we die, or when this world is renovated at the return of Jesus, there will be no more marriage. You won’t be married. In heaven, we will all be single and we will all be fully satisfied. Just as our bodies will be transformed, our relationships with our spouses will be transformed and we will exist in a way that surpasses our current understanding of marriage relationships. This is beautiful about singleness. Single people really get to capture the essence of what life will be like when Christ returns. This showcases the beauty of singleness. When we are glorified, when all sin is eradicated from this world, we will all be single. This means singleness is the perfected state in eternity. Have you ever thought about that?

Think about that when you parade your marriage as more significant than singles, or more spiritual or holy, okay? We will have no need for a spouse and the reason why is because we will be satisfied in the never-ending glories of God. In the eternal single state, we will enjoy him forever. So then brothers and sisters, what this means is don’t make marriage so significant in this life that it becomes all that you’re living for, all that you’re preoccupied with. Listen, this is a problem for a lot of people. It’s called marriage idolatry. They look to marriage and their spouse as the ultimate source of satisfaction, fulfillment, and delight instead of Jesus. The thing is, your spouse can’t do that. Your spouse is not your Savior. Your spouse can’t provide for you what Christ himself has provided for you. And the thing is, your marriage will eventually be done with

and our ultimate satisfaction, fulfillment, and delight will be put in its proper place with Jesus forever. And it’s not just marriage that Paul is talking about here. He goes on to say everything, as we understand it, will change. Our mourning will fade. Amen? When the Lord returns, there will be no more sadness, no more loneliness, which is something that single people have to wrestle with. No more pain, no more sorrow, no more sin. All the things that cause our mourning, Jesus will wipe it all away. So to live this life now with the perspective that your deepest pain will remain is to lose sight of that which awaits us. Eternal joy. Eternal joy. But Paul goes on to say that even your joy will change. Joy, as we currently understand it, will go away. As the earthly things that fill us with joy now fade away, even the good things, they will pair in comparison.

They will pale in comparison to the joy that comes when Jesus comes. So to make earthly joys ultimate in this life is to place your stock in something that will expire and eventually be done away with. In heaven, our greatest joy will be Jesus. We will have no competing affections or delights. This eternal perspective, friends, it also speaks to our money and our material possessions. When Christ comes, our money will be gone. Our 401ks will be gone. Our houses will be gone. Our cars will be gone. Our technologies, like our iPhones, our Androids, will be gone. All the things we’ve been working so hard to acquire will be done. They’ll be gone. We won’t need them. All of our business affairs, the things that we’ve been giving ourselves to find meaning and happiness in this life, will be gone. We talked about this when we were going through

Single-Minded Devotion

the book of Ecclesiastes. Gone like vapor, like smoke. And Christians will be deeply satisfied in the loss of all those things because of what we will gain. Christ Jesus himself. He is far more satisfying than all the transient things we’ve been living for and dying for, including our spouses. Augustine captures the essence of this verse when he said, we cannot love what is eternal unless we cease to love what is temporal. That’s a good one. Brothers and sisters, life is temporal. It’s passing away and so our perspective should be driven towards eternity. And this principle remains if you’re married or if you’re single. But then Paul, holding in tandem the beauty of both marriage and singleness, makes a pretty compelling case for why singleness might be a better option for some of you. We see that in verses 32 through 40 with single-minded devotion. Paul writes, I want you to be free from anxieties.

The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. The unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure, listen, your undivided devotion to the Lord. Okay? Family, marriage is wonderful. It is a great gift from God. I love being married to Heather. But to be committed in marriage can produce anxiety and stress. Now listen, it’s not the kind of stress that the world, you know, parades or talks about, you know, happy wife, happy life, or whatever they say about

husbands. Do they even say anything like that about husbands? I never heard it. They feel stress and anxiety to keep their spouses happy, as if happiness is the glue that holds things together or prevents their relationship from imploding. In fact, many people pursue divorce precisely because they’re not happy. But that’s not what Paul is talking about in terms of anxiety or stress. Paul is saying when you’re married, you not only have to carry the weight of your own concerns and challenges of life, you also have to carry your spouse’s concerns and challenges of life. If your spouse is suffering, you will sit with them in the suffering as if you yourself were suffering the same thing. If your spouse is feeling discouraged or depressed, you will feel that discouragement and depression acutely because the two of you are one. If you don’t feel those things, something is really broken in your marriage. Not only that, but your life is given to the

never-ending compromise for the benefit of your spouse. Your days are filled with service and submission to your spouse, both men and women. You don’t have the option to be selfish because your selfishness will ultimately impact your spouse. That’s anxiety producing. You don’t get to just go wherever you want or leave when you feel overwhelmed. No, married people must consider their personal decisions and how it impacts their spouse. Listen to this, you don’t get to leave when conflict happens. You don’t get to do that. You got to work it out.

Listen, single people, here is the myth, the biggest myth about marriage. No two people in this world are completely compatible. It’s just not true. Each person brings to the table a lot of self-centeredness and sin. Even among faithful, Bible-believing, regenerate Christians, you see and feel your spouse’s sin like no other person and making sense of all that in a meaningful way is exceedingly challenging. And not to mention the significant differences that exist between men and women. Amen? I mean, we barely understand each other, let alone live in such harmony where we’re always in perfect alignment or in sync. This is stressful. And then, folks, the reality of doing what God requires of men and women in marriage. Men, do you know what the Bible calls you to do for your wife? Do you know? Die. You get to die.

This is what the Bible calls us to do. Ephesians 5, 25. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. How did Christ give himself up to the church? He died for her. Having cleansed her by the washing of water with the words so that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. I mean, what greater stress can a man have than to live with the reality of dying daily? And it’s not just dying. It’s living for your wife that is also stressful. Building her up, encouraging her, holding her when she is weak, being her protector when sin creeps at the door, washing her with the word, loving her in the most sacrificial way.

Brother, this is serious, stressful stuff. Anxiety producing. But this is what you’re called to in marriage. This is what you have to give your attention and devotion to. And if you’re not thinking in those categories, well, you’re not ready to be married. Ladies, do you know what the Bible calls you to do for your husbands? Submit. That’s a bad word.

Ephesians 5.22. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body and is himself its savior. Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Married women, this is perhaps one of the most difficult things to do. And I get it. Love, oh, that’s the easy part. But submit, that sounds crazy.

What if you’re smarter than your husband? Like my wife. What if your social and emotional orientation is better than your husband’s? Like my wife. What if she’s more attractive? Like my wife. I’m just gonna keep going with some… Come on. No, I love you, baby. What if you’re the breadwinner in the family?

Does that change your submission? What if you don’t like his decisions? The Bible says submit. And the reason why is because husbands have to die. They have to die to lead their wives. But even so, submission can be a very difficult thing, especially in our modern world. Family, I can tell you this is one of the things that makes marriages so stressful. Every day, husbands have to die. Every day, wives have to submit. But here’s the thing. In both dying and submitting, husbands and wives are becoming more like Jesus, who held both of those perfectly. In his perfect authority, he gave it up to serve the church that he might die for them to save them. And though Jesus is equal, though he is equal with the Father, he willingly submitted himself to the Father in love. You see how God uses these two things to make us more like Jesus? Every time we die, every time we submit to our spouses,

we are becoming more and more conformed into the image of Jesus. And single people, well, they just don’t have those concerns in the same way. Their only preoccupation is to live in total devotion to Jesus, which is why Paul says it’s a very good thing. But here’s the deal. Single folks, you have to die and submit.

You just got to die to yourself, and your submission is on to the Lord. But doing that without the concerns of a spouse, Paul says, is a viable option because your devotion will be undivided. Again, Paul makes it clear. Though being single provides you an opportunity to have undivided devotion to Jesus, if you want to be married, if that’s something that you desire, you’re free to pursue it. It’s not a sin to be devoted to both Jesus and to a spouse, and one is not more holy or significant than the other. You just have to wrestle with your devotion and your attention and how that’s divided. This is what Paul is saying in verses 36 through 40. If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly towards his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes. Let them marry. It is no sin.

But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well. So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better. A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives, but if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. Yet in my judgment, she is happier if she remains as she is, and I think that I too have the Spirit of God. Paul’s last punch here gives God’s people both the freedom and the flexibility concerning pursuing singleness or marriage, and that section speaks to those who have been free, who have been divorced, those who have lost a spouse. You have the freedom and flexibility, okay? If your desire for marriage is strong, pursue it,

and if God provides someone for you, go ahead. You’re free. It’s not a sin to want to be married, okay? But Paul, in his lived experience as a minister of the gospel, not being tethered to a spouse, recognized that it provided him with undistracted and undivided devotion to Jesus, and gave him ministry opportunities that many people might not have otherwise, speaking specifically about married people, and it’s just a simple reality. I mean, we know the life that Paul lived. We know what he suffered. We know the great joys and grace that he experienced as he moved from city to city, preaching and teaching and planting and problem-solving. We know how many people came through faith, came to faith through Paul’s ministry, how many churches were planted through Paul’s ministry. A lot. I imagine all of that would be very difficult to accomplish with a spouse or with children. So, you’re free to do

what you like, but you’ll have more freedoms to do more in ministry if you’re single, and that’s just a practical reality, and that’s why Paul says, I think the Lord would agree with me. He’s pretty confident. So, the question as to which is better, to be married or single, the big question the culture is asking, well, maybe that’s the wrong question to ask for Christians. Maybe the better question is, how can I glorify God in my marriage or in my singleness? Because they’re both valuable. The answer is simple. To live a holy and devoted life for the Lord with eternity always in view.

Living It Out

Married or single, you’re called to live a holy life devoted to Jesus with eternity forever in view. Now, I want to close this morning by briefly taking this text and applying it to our life together as a church, and I’m just going to be brief, and this is going to be 30,000 feet, but I first want to encourage the single people in our church, and then share a few words for the married people. To my single brothers and sisters, I offer four encouragements, and to make it sticky, I’ve summarized them like this. Wanting, waiting, watching, and worshiping, okay? The first thing I want you to know is that I recognize that not all singles are the same. Churches contend to typecast singles as that one group of people who all think the same, and act the same, and share the same struggles, and that’s just not the case. I recognize that. Some of you love being single, and you are deeply satisfied

with your singleness, and to that I would say amen. God has given you this singleness as a gift, and when you hear this text, you think, yeah, I totally resonate with Paul, and I’m just so thankful for your singleness, and for how you use it to glorify God, and teach the rest of us how to live lives more devoted to Jesus. I’m thankful for you, but also recognize that many of you, singleness is a struggle, because you want to be married, and when you hear Paul say you’re free to get married, if that’s what you desire, well, you might think, well, that’s me. I want to be married, and if marriage is a good thing, why hasn’t God met my desire for marriage? Why is God withholding it from me? Well, first, I want you to know that can be a very difficult thing, and I

difficult thing, and I understand that, especially for some of you as you’re getting older. I imagine it’s not easy to desire something so wonderful as marriage, and feel like you have no control over the who and the when. I just want you to know that the pastors see you, that we pray for you. We know that singleness can sometimes be painful and lonely, especially prolonged singleness. Our prayer is that God would provide you, not first and foremost a spouse, but comfort and contentment, and help you rest in his perfect will, and his perfect timing. My encouragement for you is in your discouraging moments that you find yourself in, that you yourself would push your wanting into prayer, but not just praying for a spouse,

not praying for the easy way out, but praying for contentment, even when you don’t feel like it. You know, the need for contentment isn’t unique to single people. All Christians struggle with contentment to some degree. We all want certain things, especially good and godly things, and we can begin to question God’s goodness if we don’t get those things. But not having what we want, when we want them, is not an indicator of God’s goodness or faithfulness. Charles Spurgeon said this, had any other condition been better for you than the one in which you are in, divine love would have put you there.

In other words, your singleness, brother or sister, is not by accident, and it’s not an oversight, and God is not begrudgingly holding it from you. Your singleness right now is God’s goodness to you. It’s precisely where he wants you, and you need to fight to believe that. And listen, it’s so important to understand this. God is not withholding a spouse from you until you somehow find contentment, and then once you kind of magically find contentment, poof, he’ll give it to you. He’s not withholding a spouse from you until you kind of, you know, figure out, like, what marriage is about, or you figure out your worthiness. That’s not how God works.

We don’t always know what God is doing in our lives and what he’s producing through the waiting. The truth is, God is good even when we don’t understand what he’s doing or why he’s doing it. Brothers and sisters, what I do know for sure is that God is calling you to contentment in your singleness, and that none of your waiting will go to waste. None of your wanting will go to waste. Wanting and waiting for good and godly things, waiting on the Lord, is God’s instrument to produce contentment in you. Because listen, wanting for good and godly things doesn’t just go away when you get married. You’ll want for other things. Maybe you’ll want for children, or for stability, or for a better job, or for health, or for a house, or for peace. What you need right now is to learn contentment. So let your wanting be the fuel that carries you

into contentment while you wait for a spouse. And while you wait, make the most of your singleness. Listen, you are not an incomplete person until you get married. You understand that? You’re a whole person. So use your singleness and its unique gift as gospel opportunity to be fully immersed and faithful in ministry. Give yourself while you have all of yourself to Jesus and to his church. This is what God wants for your singleness right now. Your singleness displays the goodness and beauty of the gospel. So use it. And as you wait, ladies, be watching in the church for the kind of husband who will die for you, who will lead you, who will encourage you and build you up in your faith. And men, be watching for the kind of wife who will love you and live sacrificially and submit to your leadership. Don’t become so

fixed on the idea of marriage that you settle for weak and anemic Christians that won’t help you. They got work to do. You don’t need to be messing with them. And don’t settle for non-Christians. Don’t be dating non-Christians. You do that, it will destroy you. You hear me? It will destroy you. So don’t do that.

When you watch, have realistic expectations. Don’t look for that which is superficial. Look for that which is spiritual. Have a more comprehensive attraction. Not just looks. Be taken over by the beauty of their godliness, because that will serve you better in this life. And finally, give your singleness to God in worship. Live now with holiness and undivided devotion to him. Learn to be deeply satisfied in Jesus, so at the right time, if God brings you a spouse, you will have the right perspective on what your marriage is and what your marriage is not. It’s not a fixer. It’s not ultimate. It’s not the greatest expression of happiness. It’s just not. You will only be satisfied in your marriage if you are deeply satisfied in Jesus. Amen? Now for the non-singles in our church, just a few words for you.

You need to aggressively assimilate the singles in our church into your everyday life. Not because you feel bad that they’re single, but because you need them for your good, for your benefit. Brothers and sisters, I have been, my family has been the recipient of single people in this church who have used their singleness to encourage my family, to show me what it means to be selfless and sacrificial, to show me what it looks like to give the totality of themselves to God and to God’s people. You need them in your life to make you a better Christian. They will help you grow in godliness, so make it a priority to include them into your family. Listen, there is a reciprocal benefit. They will learn from you, and you will learn from them. And there is a cost to being single,

even those who are deeply satisfied in their singleness. There is a cost, and that cost is loneliness. Okay? They can feel loneliness acutely. They need family and friendship. They need family and friendship. Brothers and sisters, it should never be the case at Trinity Church that our single brothers and sisters feel alone or isolated.

If you’re not praying for them, if you’re not thinking about them, if you’re not inviting them into the church, start doing it today. Invite them into your life. Radically include them into your life. You need them, and they need you. And then lastly, this is an encouragement for the entire church.

We have single moms in our church. You do know that, right? We have single moms in our church, and I can only imagine how exceedingly difficult and challenging being a single mom is. Family, we are responsible to love and care for them. It’s not just the pastors of Trinity Church that are called to love and care for them. It’s the church. The church is called to love and care for them. We should constantly be thinking about how we can come alongside them and help alleviate some of the pressures that exist in this unique dynamic. We need to constantly be thinking, how can I come alongside them to help them raise their children? You know, for many of these children, their only experience with married families will be the church. We should never have to ask members of the church to reach out and include single

moms and their kids. We should be doing that reflexively, intentionally, and compassionately. Compassionately, you know who they are. You know who they are, and they desperately need your help, and not just your help. You know what they need? Your presence. They need your presence. They are almost always at their bandwidth. They are almost always at capacity. So we got to do a better job of making it a priority to help them. Amen? Especially, especially married men and single men.

Especially married men and single men. These boys need godly men. Here’s Father’s Day, and we’re celebrating the beauty of fathers, and the wonderful gift. These boys need men. They need fathers in this church. And I’m just saying this as an encouragement, you need to do a better job.

Their only picture for godly men is us. So you need to be a mirror by which they see the gospel of Jesus. You need to make it a priority. Family, let’s love our singles well. We need them. Let’s love our single moms well. We need them. And let’s love the children of single moms well. Let’s pray. Our Father and our God, we thank you

for the married people, and we thank you for the single people in our church. We pray, oh Lord and God, that you would help us to see the beauty in both. To be encouraged and to be stirred up by both. We pray, God, that you would help us to be radically devoted. That if we’re married, you would help us to hold in tandem our duties as a spouse and our devotion to you. And if we’re single, then we pray, God, that you would help us to be fully devoted to you. Don’t let any of our marriages be wasted, and any of our singleness be wasted.

God, we pray that in both you would help us to be holy. We pray that you would help us to be aware. Help us as a congregation to be inclusive of our single families and our singles. We thank you for the diversity that you have brought to this church, that we have married and singles. What a good gift you have given Trinity Church. What a good gift you have given Trinity Church. I pray, God, that praise would always be on our lips for the radical diversity of our church. We pray these things in Christ’s name. Amen.