The Myth of Having Other People’s Lives

Transcript

Good morning, family. If you’d be so kind as to turn with me in your Bibles to Ecclesiastes chapter 5, or chapter 4, actually, Ecclesiastes chapter 4, verses 4 through 12. If you are here this morning and you don’t have a Bible, there are some Bibles in the seats in front of you, and you can find our portion of Scripture on page 520. If you don’t have a Bible, you’re welcome to take that one with you as our gift to you. Ecclesiastes chapter 4, verses 4 through 12. Then I saw that all toil and all skill in work come from a man’s envy of his neighbor. This also is vanity and a striving after wind. The fool folds his hands and eats his own flesh. Better is a handful of quietness than two hands full of toil and a striving after wind. Again I saw vanity under the sun, one person who has no other, either son or brother.

Yet there is no end to all his toil, and his eyes are never satisfied with riches, so that he never asks, for whom am I toiling and depriving myself of pleasure? This also is vanity and an unhappy business. Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up. Again, if two lie together, they keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him. A threefold cord is not quickly broken. Family, this is the Word of the Lord. Thanks be to God. Let’s pray. Father, we thank you for your Word. Your Word is true. Your Word is authoritative. Your Word gives us life.

The Selfie Culture

We confess, Father, that without the help of your Holy Spirit, these would just be words. And so we ask you to do what we can’t do for ourselves. Illuminate the Word. Help us to see it for what it is. Help us to live by it. And most importantly, help us to be transformed into the image of Jesus as a result of your Word being declared this morning. We desperately need it. So we pray these things in Christ’s name. Amen. Well, it’s hard to imagine any other time in human history where we’ve been so fixated on the pursuit of self. And to prove my point, I would simply ask you to just consider the concept of the selfie. A word that only recently made its way into our dictionary. But consider not just the word and how ridiculous of a word it is, but more importantly, the idea of the selfie.

How unashamedly popular it’s become to take excessive photos of ourselves. I mean, how often do we witness in our society the rhythmic motion of the one-handed grip of the smartphone stretched to the skies, flipped around so that the frame only focuses on the individual, holding the phone in such a way that, followed by the uncomfortable twist, pose, and click, only to see the user repeat the process over and over again until they feel like the selfie perfectly reflects their desired sense of self. At no other time in human history was the average person so preoccupied with self-portraits. Unless, of course, they were one of those strange creative photographers. But now it seems it’s rather typical for us to literally have thousands of photos of ourselves in our smartphone. The selfie, in many ways, is the chief expression of a culture radically focused on individualism. What’s ironic is that the very technology that gave rise to the selfie

was the same technology that promised and promoted a better sense of connectedness and engagement with others. What’s crazy is that it seems the reverse has occurred. The digital age has ushered in an environment where we are becoming increasingly more disengaged from others and more hyper-focused on the self. Have you been to a park lately? I can tell you that as a father of two children, at a park it’s crazy. What are all the parents doing at the park? As their children play, the parents are all focusing their attention not on the children but on their smartphones. They’re doom-scrolling on social media as their kids play and live. And just think about the primary messaging that’s been pushed through our technology. Our culture is constantly telling us through technology that the pathway to human flourishing and to find ultimate purpose in life ultimately lies in the prioritizing of self above everything else,

even to the detriment of everyone else. We hear it in phrases like, you do you, which means exactly what it sounds like. You should primarily focus on you and do whatever makes you happy, regardless of other people’s opinions, expectations, or even other people’s inconveniences. We often hear phrases like, live your best life, which is often used on social media to showcase a glamorized or idealized version of oneself, with the ultimate aim of showcasing yourself, or rather, exalting one’s personal achievements and success for others to see on social media. Another message we hear often is this phrase or message of self-discovery, which encourages people to explore the deeps of self-identity, personal desires, and independent values as a means of finding purpose and fulfillment in life. What’s interesting is many of these messages have spread through the use of hashtags on our social media to increase the message’s visibility.

And so as we navigate through our digital world, we find ourselves saturated not only with the messages or the hashtags, but what almost always accompanies the hashtag, the curated, heavily filtered, and Photoshopped selfie showcasing other people’s hashtag, living their best life, or other people’s hashtag, self-discovery. And when we are constantly bombarded with what looks like a seemingly successful social image that we look at, we start to see that their life looks nothing like my hashtag boring life. And as a result, we immediately start to compare ourselves to others. We start to think that if only I had the life that they have, then I would be happy and satisfied with my life. So our self-discovery really becomes about discovering someone else’s discovery. And in the process, this seed of envy begins to take root in our heart and begins to infiltrate all of our human achievements.

Now this doesn’t just happen with people that we don’t know, but we just happen to follow. This even happens with our friends, our co-workers, and family, even with brothers and sisters in the church. What’s disheartening is that many of us, even with people that we know and love, we often see their possessions, their relationships, and their accomplishments. And instead of genuinely rejoicing with them and celebrating their blessings and success, we become envious of their blessings and success. For many of us, we get caught in this endless cycle of comparison with a deep longing for the life that others have. We start to believe the lie that our happiness and our purpose depends on having the life of another person. And it’s this issue that the Kohelet, or the preacher in Ecclesiastes, seeks to address in our text this morning, the myth of having other people’s lives.

The Myth Exposed

And so this morning, I’ve chosen not to break up the text into small sections, which I usually love to do. And I probably could have done it, but I chose not to do that this morning, because I think by dealing with it as a whole, as one train of thought, it actually becomes more helpful for us. So there’s a lot to unpack this morning, so let’s dive right in, beginning in verse 4. Then I saw that all toil and all skill in work come from a man’s envy of his neighbor. This also is vanity and a striving after wind. So here the Kohelet begins this new train of thought, and his overall observation in this text would seem to suggest that humans are inherently envious, greedy, and radically self-focused. And that all human achievement and work in our world comes from envy. And before we dive further into the text, let me just pause and ask,

what does envy mean, anyway? Envy is the passion and pursuit that causes a person to feel dissatisfied with their situation or possessions when compared to another person’s situation or possessions, and having the desire to acquire the other person’s situation or possessions. And just for clarity’s sake, there is a difference between envy and jealousy. And I mention that because a lot of people seem to use those words kind of interchangeably. But jealousy is the desire to keep for yourself what rightly belongs to you. Whereas envy, on the other hand, is the desire for you to have for yourself what rightly belongs to another. Okay? Now envy is often one of these things or these sins that are perceived by others as kind of a quiet and solitary sin. One that doesn’t seem to have a great impact on the people in whom the envy is directed towards.

However, envy is a sin that beneath the surface can be incredibly harmful, both to yourself and to others. In fact, envy is in every way connected to hatred. The English nonconformist pastor, John Engle James, in the 1800s, he said this, Envy is the most direct opposite of love. Which is to say that envy at its root is hatred. And this hate is functionally directed towards God and neighbor. And this is why God hates envy. Because envy moves us away from loving God and loving neighbor, which is the greatest commandment. And causes us to hate God and hate neighbor. All because God didn’t give us what he gave our neighbor. So you might be thinking, dang, that sounds extreme. But it’s true. Envy is not just that we want what others have, but that we hate that others have what we want. So to be clear, it’s not merely about looking at what others have around you and desiring something similar.

So it’s not like, you know, your best friend buys a Tesla. And you know, you sit in their Tesla and you start to think, oh man, this Tesla’s fresh. I want one. That’s not envy. Envy in its essence is the desire to take away that Tesla from your friend so that you alone possess it. Understand the difference? This tendency tends to really take root when envy involves these one-of-a-kind items. Or situations. Or a person. Such as a spouse. Or a particular lifestyle. Or a character trait. Or maybe someone’s unique mid-century modern house. Or even physical features. Beneath all envy lies the false belief that what God has providentially given you in your life is not truly good for you. Or is perhaps even bad for you. But family, this contradicts everything we know to be true about the God who loves us. James chapter 1 verse 17 says,

Every good gift, and listen, every perfect gift, is from above. Coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. So it’s not just that God gives us good gifts, but that those good gifts are perfectly curated for you. Matthew chapter 7 verse 11. If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him? So is the problem then that we simply are not asking God enough? No. The late Tim Keller said this, he said, Your Father gives you all you would have asked for if, the condition there, you knew everything that He knows. The point Keller is making is that God doesn’t make mistakes when it comes to the circumstances we have in our life.

In other words, wanting what others have will never satisfy us, because we possess the things that have been perfectly and purposely given to us by God for our spiritual flourishing. Okay? Essentially, the Kohelet is explaining here that this idea of having what other people have in their life will somehow satisfy us, that’s a myth. It’s a myth. Now, does the Kohelet really mean that every single act and every motivation that we do in our human life, all of our human achievements is driven by envy? Well, to be fair, the answer is no. For the first time, he’s not being literal. It’s not everything, but what he is saying is that when he looks at our world from the perspective under the horizon, that is to say, a humanistic worldview, he sees that a significant amount of human achievement is deeply rooted in envy, greed, and the self.

Two Dangerous Extremes

Another thing that he observes is that this kind of envy typically plays out in one of two ways as it pertains to our life and our work, and that is either laziness or busyness. And he gives us this kind of parable to illustrate it in verses 5 and 6. He says, The fool folds his hands and eats his own flesh. Better is a handful of quietness than two hands full of toil and a striving after wind. So here, this parable, the Kohelet, is essentially telling us that our hands often reveal things about our hearts. He begins with this illustration of folded hands, which really is a symbol of laziness. Okay? This is often what happens when we look at what others have and realize, well, we’ll never be able to obtain what they have. We’ll never achieve their level of success. No matter how hard we work with our hands or how much we try to manipulate the situation, we’re never going to obtain what they have.

And so, of course, the best course of action is to just simply do nothing. Psychologists refer to this as learned helplessness, which is essentially a defeatist outlook that discourages people from attempting to overcome challenges because they believe that their efforts won’t lead to success. So they do nothing. And this learned helplessness the Kohelet shows us also applies to our envious pursuits. So when envy is great, but the amount of effort required to get what others have is even greater, we simply fold our hands in bitterness and idleness. The image of the Kohelet that he presents here is perfect because, look, if your hands are folded, you can’t really work with your hands because they’re locked. The Kohelet is essentially highlighting Proverbs 6, verses 10 and 11. A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest, and poverty will come upon you like a robber and want like an armed man.

This perspective is not only profoundly self-centered, but it’s also rooted in hatred towards your neighbor. Now, why is your laziness rooted in hatred towards your neighbor? Well, because it essentially says, if you can’t have what others have and you won’t do anything about it, you’ll just become bitter and then become a burden for everyone else. I won’t use my hands for work. Instead, I’ll just use my hands for handouts. I’ll just hold out until you hand over what I want. Okay, but friends, this rarely works in our world. In fact, the Kohelet says that they will fold their hands and eat their flesh. Now, that sounds crazy, but really what this just means is if you don’t work, you don’t eat. The Apostle Paul mentions this very thing. I think Greg preached on this just this year when we were going through 2 Thessalonians. In 2 Thessalonians 3, verses 10 through 12, it says,

If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat. For we hear that some among you walk in idleness, not busy at work, but busy bodies. Now, such persons we commend and encourage in the Lord Jesus Christ to do their work quietly and to earn their own living. So if a person isn’t willing to use their hands to work, to provide for themselves, for food to eat, then all they’ll have left to eat are their own hands. Crazy imagery there. So envy and the excessive drive for self can sometimes lead people to laziness. So that’s the folded hands. Then we’re presented with this image of two hands full of striving. Now, this picture paints a person who is so focused on getting ahead in life that they are failing to live their life fruitfully or fully. They desire what other successful people have so intensely that all they do is work and work and work.

And you see the problem with having two hands full of work is that you don’t have any more hands to hold on to the other blessings and benefits that life has to offer. So this is the husband who works so much that he never gets time to enjoy time with his wife. So he’s never, you know, fully engaged with his wife. His wife doesn’t get to get his attention. Or this is directed towards a wife who works so tirelessly in her career, you know, that the whole family suffers. Or the mom who works at home with their kids and who’s so preoccupied with trying to live life like the other moms that they see on Instagram, that their life is so focused on curating her life with her kids that she’s rarely experiencing her real life with her real kids. Or this is the father who is so tethered to his emails and push notifications or his Slack

that he never looks up from his phone to see his kids growing up. That stings. Even though he’s physically present, he’s not really present at all. Steve Jobs, a name that is synonymous with work and innovation, once said that the joy of fatherhood is 10,000 times greater than any professional achievement. But even with that perspective in mind, in the end, all of his human achievement, with all that he accomplished, he grieved not being present enough with his children. And he yearned for them to understand the reason behind so much of his absence. And what was the reason behind his absence when you boil it down to its smallest compound? Trying to build the best technology the world has ever known. But do you think, in the end, his children really cared about the reason for his absence? I’m quite sure that if they had to choose between the best technology the world has ever known

or experiencing the only father they’ve ever known, they would choose their father 10,000 times over. Family, the point is that in our constant struggle to get as much as we can or to have what others have, by double-fisting our work and our life, we end up losing so much of our personal life. And the Kohelet calls this pursuit, which is driven by envy and greed, Hevel. It’s chasing after wind. It doesn’t make sense. And I would agree, what’s the point in working so hard to try and have someone else’s life if you lose all the important things in your own life in the process? So this preoccupation with work and human achievement, it always ends in disaster. The thing is, everybody knows it. We all know it. But no one seems to really care, except for the people who are living in the wake of excessive work.

You know, laziness is easy to criticize. We look at laziness in our culture and we immediately see it as a sign of immaturity. But workaholism, or the relentless pursuit of work in our culture, it’s often celebrated as a mark of maturity. But in reality, these two extremes are two sides of the same coin, and they are not aligned with what God expects from us in terms of our life and our labor. Sometimes we mock the job interview question like, what’s your biggest critique of yourself when it comes to work? You know, we say answers like, well, my biggest critique is that I just work too hard. You know, this statement, which is supposedly framed as a negative, is intended to be received as some kind of positive, because we tend to see excessive work in our culture as a virtue. But this perceived virtue, really, it often reflects a struggle with boundaries,

the ability to say no, and a relentless drive fueled by an insatiable appetite for money and success. This drive can lead to a shallow sense of relationship, a lack of teamwork, and a cutthroat personality in the workplace. And who really wants to hire that guy or that girl? So this kind of double fisting of work so that we can try to get as much as we think we want, or get as much of what others have, it comes with all kinds of problems. Mental health issues, divorce, broken relationships with our children and our spouses, quality of life, stress and burnout, social isolation, and sometimes even early death. Family, we were not made to work this way. This is not how God has intended for us to live our life. So why are we working this way? All of this drive, family, comes from a lie

that says if we just work a little harder, then we’ll have enough. We’ll be satisfied. But of course we’ll never be satisfied. Because as long as there are people in this world who have more than you, you’ll keep grinding. You’ll keep hustling. You’ll keep working. Because that’s how the human heart works. John D. Rockefeller, the American philanthropist who just happened to be one of the richest people in America, when asked the question, how much money is enough? This is the richest man in this particular season of life. How much is enough? His response, just a little bit more. You see, despite his immense wealth, even he felt the insatiable appetite for more, which just captures the essence of envy, greed, and the never-ending pursuit of self. And what’s truly sad is that oftentimes our drive for more or for a better life is paved with the intention, or rather the illusion, of sharing it with loved ones in our life.

So we work excessively under the guise of loving our loved ones, but it actually does the opposite. It pushes our loved ones away. And in some cases, it even prevents you from having loved ones, because you work too hard to even slow down to have a relationship with people. So this lie that says, you know, I’ll just work hard now, I’ll hustle hard now, so that when I’m ready for relationships or a commitment, I’ll have a lot more to offer. I’ll be way more wealthy, way more stable. I’ll have the kind of ideal life that a potential partner would want to have. I’ll be the greatest candidate for someone to love. But of course, that hustle rarely ends up working out the way people think it will. And so while they might be climbing the corporate ladder, they are at the same time completely descending into social isolation.

And this is exactly what the Kohelet tells us in verses 7 and 8. He says, again, I saw vanity under the sun. One person who has no other, either a son or a brother, yet there is no end to all his toil. And his eyes are never satisfied with riches, so that he never asks, for whom am I toiling and depriving myself of pleasure? This also is vanity and an unhappy business. And this really is a perfect picture of the relentless pursuit at the expense of meaningful relationships. This is the entrepreneur who is so preoccupied with work and self-advancement or even financial investments that he or she never has time to invest in love or friendship. And this particular emptiness that comes from people’s endless endeavors that are fueled by envy and self, oh, it’s ugly. It’s ugly. It’s a particular emptiness that is so empty.

It’s beyond what you can understand or explain. And so the Kohelet cautions us to consider the cost of our ambitions. Though we might gain all kinds of money and success and things that other people have, those things will never satisfy. And it comes with an even greater expense, loneliness and emptiness. What’s the point in all your work, in all your money, if you have no one to share it with? There’s a lot of people in our world who love money. The problem is money will never love you back. When you compare your situation with other people who seem to have lots of money and seem very successful, you ought to be asking the greater question, what was the cost to get those things? Now, I want to be clear here. Not everyone with money has this problem, okay? There’s nothing inherently wrong with money. There’s nothing wrong with having lots of money.

The problem is the love of money that comes from a lack of contentment. 1 Timothy 6 verse 8 through 10 says,

But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content. But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs.

— 1 Timothy 6

(ESV)

So it’s the love of money that is the root of all kinds of evil, including envy. And this evil of envy is because of a lack of contentment, okay? What’s interesting is that the Kohelet recognizes that this is a very lonely and empty way of living. And so he offers us, throughout this text, a better way to labor and love and live.

A Better Way

And he briefly mentions this better way back in verse 6 when we were looking at the hands. He said it’s better, so instead of folding your hands, or better than double fisting your hands, it’s better to have a handful of quietness than two hands full of toil. And the image here signifies both hard work but contentment. One hand working diligently to make enough money to live, and the other hand embracing quiet contentment with the money that we’ve made. This represents a life that values work but establishes boundaries. Not only in terms of how hard we work, but also with how much money we need. Can I ask you this morning? Are you content with what you have? Are you content enough so as to not be envious of others? Are you resting in your work so that there’s room for you to enjoy life with those around you?

Or is your hustle so hard that you’ve become isolated and independent? You don’t even know what’s going on. Listen, I understand contentment doesn’t come naturally for us. I feel it. But here’s the thing. We can learn contentment. What’s crazy is that oftentimes God doesn’t give us what we want because he wants to teach us to be content with what he’s given us. You understand how that works? So we need to learn to be content. And even the Apostle Paul had to learn contentment for himself. Philippians 4, 11 through 13, he says,

I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low. I know how to abound in any and every circumstance. I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

— Philippians 4

(ESV)

How many times has that verse kind of taken out of context?

Brothers and sisters, is a lack of contentment an issue for you? Is this something that you need to learn? Is envy a thing in your heart that is driving you to all kinds of trouble? Is a hyper focus on yourself wrecking you and your friends and your family? Is not having what others have impacting the way that you work and live? Family, what do your hands tell you about your heart? Have you folded your hands in laziness and bitterness? Or are you grabbing life with two hands full? Working in this relentless pursuit of money and success so much that you’re hurting yourself and you’re hurting your family. Family, if I’m honest with you, my hands expose so much of my own heart. I can see my own sin throughout this whole section. And if I struggle in these spaces, I know that you struggle in these spaces.

And if you would but confess it, you would get the help you need. When you see it for what it is, you need to ask the Lord to help you deal with these issues. Because they’re hurting you and they’re hurting others in your life. And listen, God has not left you on your own to deal with these issues. He’s given you help. He’s given you the Holy Spirit to help you with these issues, to teach you contentment. But not only that, He’s given you brothers and sisters to help you with this. In fact, this is exactly what the Kohelet will get at in verse 9 through 12. He says here, he says, Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up.

Again, if two lie together, they keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him. A threefold cord is not quickly broken. What the Kohelet has been telling us is that a self-centered life does not lead to human flourishing. A life hyper-focused on the self only leads to envy and danger. What we need, family, is a life that flourishes because it’s a socially integrated life. What we need is friendship. This is why he says two are better than one. In other words, friendship is far better than isolation and independence. You see, man was never meant to live on his own for his own self-achievement. When God created Adam and placed him in the garden to work and to live, what is it that God said? What did God say? Genesis 2.18,

The Power of Community

Then the Lord God said, It is not good that man should be alone. I will make him a helper fit for him. So God brings Eve to Adam because togetherness is far better than loneliness. Now, to be clear, this section in Ecclesiastes, this is not about marriage. A lot of people, it’s not about marriage. You might have used it at your wedding, and that’s great. It fits. And truth be told, there are principles here that really work in marriage because your marriage should be a deep friendship. But this text is about friendship and partnership. God has created us for community, and the point that Kohelet is making here is that sharing our life with others is better than enviously seeking the life of others. Verse 8 reveals that there is no pleasure in working for yourself. It’s futile if you have no one to work with or share your life with.

It’s an empty and lonely life. But verse 9 shows us that friendship is better than isolation. And why is this the case? Well, the Kohelet gives us a few reasons here. First is that there’s a good reward when working with friends, meaning there’s more personal satisfaction when you work alongside with other people. There is practical and spiritual benefits in a friendship partnership when it comes to life and labor and work. Verse 10 tells us there’s help in friendship. If one falls, the other is there to help. So there’s physical help when we have physical needs, and there’s spiritual help when we’re struggling spiritually. There’s also financial help when we’re struggling financially. There’s wise counsel with friendship when we need wise counsel. Have you ever fallen into deep sin and needed help from a brother or sister to lift you up and lead you back to Jesus?

Any of you? Five? Have you ever leaned on a friend for perspective when you needed to make a very difficult decision? Have you ever been in a season of grieving and suffering? You just needed someone to sit with you and listen to you? Pray for you? Family, this is why God gives us friendship. You’re not alone in the Christian life. God has provided friendship and partnership to help you in the Christian life. Verse 11 says, if two lie together, they keep warm. Now again, some interpret this as referring to marriage. Though that is true when a husband and a wife are married. But I actually think this speaks more to being in battle. Okay? This is about going into war in the thick of the cold. Partnership to keep each other warm. And of course, family, the Christian life is a spiritual battle. We need spiritual warmth from others when we feel spiritually cold.

We need emotional warmth when our life just feels so completely cold from living in this bitter, cold world. Good friendship provides the spiritual kindling we need to fan the flame of faith. Verse 12 tells us that friendship provides protection. That there’s safety in numbers. It’s easy to destroy one person when he or she is isolated and alone. But it’s really difficult for the evildoer to do harm to the one when the one is with another. Think about that in the context of your spiritual life. How easy it is for you to succumb to all kinds of wickedness and temptation because you’re on your own and you’re isolated. Think about how much easier it is to stand alongside with a friend to offer you support and protection from sin. There’s safety in numbers. So while it is true that two are better than one, the Kohelet also makes it clear that a crew is better than two.

He says a three-fold cord is not quickly broken. This cord family that he’s referring to here, in its most practical sense, is the church. What he’s saying is that a lot of believers bonded together in a cord will not easily be broken. That’s the church, the community of believers that you are committed and connected to. Listen, there is a unique protection that God provides His people through other people in the church, the other members of the church. The church is where you will be loved and cared for spiritually, where you will be strengthened, where you can be vulnerable without the fear of rejection, where you could be encouraged and built up by the other saints who love you and are committed to you. The church is the place where you need to be provided for when you most need it. When one of us is suffering,

the church comes alongside and offers prayer, and support, and help, and finances, and wisdom, and warmth. This uniquely happens in the context of church. Listen, the very love of God is made manifest in the church by the people of God giving their lives to each other. In our culture, where one wrong move can lead you to getting canceled for the rest of your life, the church is the only place where you will find love and forgiveness in the midst of your complete failings. Are you a member of a church? Have you bonded yourself to the court of the church? If you’re not a member of the church, you need to become a committed member of the church. You need to be in a place where you can serve the body and be served by the body. And listen, for whatever reason, if this is not the right church for you to become a member at,

that’s okay. Come and talk to us. There are so many churches in this area that we can help you get plugged in to where you can become a member and start doing this work. Okay? So we’re not suggesting that you have to become a member of this church, though we would love to have you. But you need to be a member of a local church. The Bible knows nothing of a professing Christian who is not committed to a local church body. Okay? So you need to make that a priority. And as to the members of Trinity Church, let me just ask you this morning, who are you connected to? Who are you connected to? Who is helping to keep you from falling into deep sin? Who is protecting you? Who is the one who will keep you warm in your spiritual life? Do you know who that person is?

Let me ask it the other way. Who are you helping to fight their sin? Who are you looking for to assist, to disciple? Who are you helping to grow spiritually by helping them kindle the flame of faith in their life? If you haven’t connected with someone yet, listen, you have my permission today to go and find a member of this church and ask for help. Okay? And listen, they will gladly provide that help. Amen? Amen. And so this is both permission for you to ask, and it’s also a bit of exhortation for you to give. Okay? Dear member, don’t wait for someone to reach out for help. Reach out and offer help. It’s not awkward. You are literally a family. It’s not awkward. Lock arms with someone in the church so that you can be a part of the body, so that you can one another, okay?

Because a cord of brothers and sisters is not easily broken. Dietrich Bonhoeffer, in his book, Life Together, says this. If there is so much blessing and joy, even in a single encounter of brother with brother, how inexhaustible are the riches that open up for those who, by God’s will, are privileged to live in the daily fellowship of life with other Christians. That’s a good book to read if you haven’t read that book. Family, we were made for community. But not just any community. We were made for Christian community. We were made for friendship, partnership, through biblical membership. Listen, the way we fight our self-centered, envious hearts that just love to seek what others have is by giving ourselves and all we have to love others in the context of church membership. Again, the words of the Kohelet and Jesus are completely compatible. The Kohelet says it’s better to share your life with others

than to live a self-centered life of envy and hatred for others. And the cure for envy and isolation is biblical friendship. Because in the context of biblical friendship, you can love and serve each other instead of competing and hating each other. And listen, Jesus says in John 13, 34, a new commandment I give you, that you love one another just as I have loved you. You also are to love one another. Jesus says in John 15, 13, greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. Jesus not only tells us the value of love and the value of friendship, but also the extent of what friendship does when motivated by love. Good friendship serves others by loving and dying to their self and living for others. This is the ultimate expression of love and sacrifice. But Jesus not only says that good friends will die to their self,

but that good friends will die for you. And this is exactly what Jesus has done for you. Jesus has died for you, even when you were full of self-centered hatred, envious sin. Romans 5, 7, and 8, we read this morning.

For one will scarcely die for a righteous person, though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die. But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

— Romans 5

(ESV)

Do you know this Jesus, the friend of sinners, the one who through his love laid his life down and died for you? You can know him this morning. The Bible tells us that anyone who turns from their sins and trusts in this Jesus will be saved from their sin and will become a friend of God. And if you want to know more about what that means

to follow Jesus, to be a friend of Jesus, you can ask any Christian in this building. Just simply ask, are you a Christian? If they say yes, they will meet with you. They will talk to you, and they will help you know and learn what it means to follow this Jesus. Okay? You can ask any one of the pastors. We would love to talk with you about that. Listen, family, God has bonded us together as a church. And the reason he’s bonded us together as a church is so that we can love, encourage, and support one another. So let us make every effort to do that as a church. Be bonded to a cord that is not easily broken. Amen? Let’s pray. Our Father and our God, we thank you for your word. We thank you that your word tells us that we are not left on our own,

that you have provided everything we need. You’ve provided us for salvation. You’ve provided for us through Jesus. You’ve given us the Holy Spirit. And you’ve given us each other. And we pray, O Lord and God, that we would take that gift seriously. And as a result, we would put to death this drive for envy. Help us to labor and to love in a way that corresponds with how your word instructs us so that we can be about loving your people, loving our families well, and most importantly, loving you well. We pray these things in Christ’s name. Amen.